A lot of the energy in my life has been focused on finding what works. Part of me knew this was going to be a big challenge in my life, but until now I hadn’t been able to start experimenting with systems and strategies to sort out all the things I want to get done. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it is so incredibly different than anything I have tried before. So much of this is thanks to space.
I am so grateful to have so much space in my life. Not only physically, since for the first time I have a designated office/work/creative room, but also in my time. Graduate school has panned out (so far) to be less dense work-wise than undergrad and even if that doesn’t continue, I am thankful it turned out that way this semester. I have needed the time to mentally recover from the summer and physically take my time due to the pain I have been in. I am many years into a confusing health journey, and I am beyond fortunate to have a schedule that allows me to be slower and not have to push my body over the edge.
The past few months have been dedicated to reduction: reduction of responsibilities, internal pressure and shame, obligations, bills and finances. I am working to shift towards expansion. Expansion of mind, of thought, of creation most specifically. But this would be impossible (and has been) without privilege and medication. It’s not a random spiritual reformation. It is the ability to access my own thoughts and motivations with minimal impetus to accessing my own physical energy.
I have given up being mad at the ways I need to operate in order to survive and thrive Having a place to myself has let me build my life around these needs. Being properly medicated has let me begin to actualize these ideas. It has helped me stay alive.
Sending all my love until next time.
Still alive from my secondhand work chair and new favorite slippers,
Julia